Category Archives: Self Help

Self Help

Mindfulness: Dealing with difficult emotions

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Most of us will have problems in dealing with difficult emotions at some time or other in our lives. Unpleasant emotions can be a downward spiral of physical sensations, thoughts and feelings that could be overwhelming. It would be very helpful if we were able to become fully aware of the emotions, suspend judgement and in that way shift our perceptions of the difficult emotions.

 

The practice of mindfulness can deal with unpleasant emotions by combining a spirit of gentleness and acceptance with a spirit of adventure and discovery. By being aware of what is in the present moment, we will only focus on the problem of the moment rather than on all the problems of next week or next year. This attitude of acceptance of what the present moment brings, is illustrated in the poem “The Guest House” by Rumi, a 13th century Sufi poet (in Williams, Teasdale, Segal & Kabat-Zinn, 2007):

 

This human being is a guest house

Every morning a new arrival

 

A joy, a depression, a meanness,

Some momentary awareness comes

As an unexpected visitor

 

Welcome and entertain them all!

Even if they’re a crowd of sorrows,

Who violently sweep your house

Empty of its furniture,

Still, treat each guest honourably

He may be clearing you out

For some new delight

 

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,

Meet them at the door laughing,

And invite them in

 

Be grateful for whoever comes,

Because each has been sent

As a guide from beyond.

 

Mindfulness leads us on the path of full awareness of the moment, coupled with elements of curiosity and self-compassion. In this way mindfulness practice can lead to a positive shift in our perceptions and change our relationship with difficult emotions.

 

Reference

Wllliams, M., Teasdale, J., Segal, Z. & Kabat-Zinn, J. (2007). The mindful way through depression. The Guilford Press: New York, NY.

 

For a further exploration of mindfulness make an appointment with a student counsellor

Where are you rushing to???

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One thing that everyone is constantly complaining about these days is how busy they are. “I never have time for myself”, “I don’t get to do the things I enjoy”, “I’m always in a rush” – the real question is: are you really that busy or is it just a feeling or a way of living you have created for yourself? Basically, living a faced pace life in modern society becomes a habit that is difficult to shake off. Laura Vanderkam, author of 168 hours: You have more time than you think, says that once people have internalised an attitude of “My life is a madhouse” or “I’m too busy to do anything fun”, they are guided by the need to conform to the pressures of time.

Vanderkam mentions that once you have reached the point of deciding that “I don’t want to be this busy”, the first step is to determine which things you should be spending your time on. She continues by advising not to fall into the trap of compiling a to-do list, but rather a stop-doing list. This technique works especially well for people who struggle to let go of the control. Stephen Covey once said: “The key is not to prioritise your schedule, but to schedule your priorities”. Thus, once you have compiled a list of your main priorities, place these in an order in your diary the way you feel the appointments will suit you best.

The main question that arises while discussing this topic is why we are under the wrongful impression that we should be as busy as possible in order to obtain a status of worth and success? This belief could have detrimental effects on the long run and lead to burnout – an occurrence we should try to avoid at all cost.

Resources:
Keet, D. (2014, 29 March). Die Burger: Talent.
Vanderkam, L. (2010). 168 hours: You have more time than you think. Publisher: Portfolio Trade.

Clock

The Challenge of Stress

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As we head towards the middle of 2014, I am becoming aware of the rise in stress levels for most people, but more so for students.  Why? EXAMS! For most people a word they want to avoid! Why not take a different approach this year and be proactive in managing your stress.  Check out the attached brochure which tells you what stress is, how to manage stress prior to exams, how to manage stress during the exams and some general tips on conquering this challenge! Also REMEMBER Student Counselling has qualified, registered Psychologists who can assist you. No need to do this on your own!!

 

stress brochure

Conflict – what makes it so difficult to deal with it?

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Fighting

We are all good people at our very core and in essence tend to have good intentions. However, when we have a specific need in mind and that need is not being met, we typically adopt one of five conflict management styles. While thinking of a current example in your life, each of us needs to ask ourselves which of the following styles (identified by Thomas Kilmann) fit my response to such a situation best:

Avoiding: Denial, withdrawing, blocking
Accommodating: Cooperative, compliant, accepting
Competing: Challenge, silent treatment, back stabbing, gossiping, shouting
Collaborating: Join forces, team up, work in a partnership
Compromising: Bargaining, negotiating

Which one of these tends to be the most rewarding at the end? Compromising of course, as it usually results in a win-win situation. Here are 4 useful steps to apply when wanting to resolve a conflict situation:

1. Express the need
2. Find out if the need can or cannot be met?
3. YES = Resolution; NO = Negotiate or Manage
4. If NO, find an objective third party to mediate the dispute

The end goal of a mediation exercise is to ensure that each party leaves feeling respected and heard, even if they are not 100% satisfied with the outcome.

Resourses:
Jeff Muir: www.resolutionofconflict.co.au
Thomas Kilmann Instrument (TKI): www.kilmanndiagnostics.com

The Student Budgeting Guide

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Financial Wellness

It’s all about the money

You’re at university now – away from home, possibly for the first time, meeting new friends and enjoying a new social scene, but being a student also means learning how to manage your money. The good news is that you don’t have to be an accountant to control your finances. This guide will give you useful tips to learn how to plan and control your spending, and save where you can.

Budgeting
Being a student can be stressful at times, (especially around exam time!); and finding an effective strategy to manage your finances will give you one less thing to worry about and hopefully keep your stress levels down. Money is a big issue for all students, and planning your budget in advance may help you avoid getting into financial difficulties. If you learn now to set up a budget and live according to it, it will be easier to develop a financial plan when you start work.

Budgeting is a personal matter, and it is important to find a system that works for you. The basic idea behind budgeting is that your expenditure (what you spend) should not be more than your income. Buy a notebook in which to plan your budget, and to record your spending. Include the following:

Income
Start by estimating your annual income. You may receive money from the following sources:

•    Bursaries
•    Scholarships
•    Financial aid
•    Part-time and vacation work
•    Family contributions
•    Student loan
•    Savings

Then break down the total into a monthly amount available to you, since it is easier to calculate the paying of bills in monthly amounts. If you return home for the holidays, take this into account – you may not need to pay accommodation fees for this period, and your family may cover food costs during this time, if this is so then the average academic year is 9 months.

Expenditure
First calculate the amount of money you will need to spend on bills monthly. These may include:

•    University fees
•    Accommodation fees
•    Municipality bills – electricity, water and rates (if-applicable)
•    Medical Expenses
•    Travel — to and from university, and to and from home for
the holidays
•    Car costs (if you have one} – petrol, tax. insurance Childcare (if
you have dependents)

These items may be seen as essentials, but the following costs will also need to be calculated.  These items can be budgeted for according to the amount of income that you have left after paying the non-negotiables.
•    Food
•    Laundry
•    Cell phone / telephone calls
•    Clothes / shoes
•    Hair
•    Toiletries
•    Books / Photocopies
•    Stationary
•    Leisure activities

Most students find it easier to work out a weekly budget in terms of what they have to spend on food, telephone calls and entertainment etc. After subtracting the essential bills from your total monthly income, assess what is left for the month.

Divide this remaining money into portions to be spent on the above Items, and then divide the month into 4 or 5 weeks (depending on the month). Some students may prefer to spend money on a visit to the hairdresser than on a night out in a club. Some students may prefer to go without new clothes so they can spend a bit more on food. Work out what your priorities are and allocate money accordingly. Remember that eating a healthy balanced diet is essential for your brain to function well, which is the reason that you are at university—to develop your brain.

Find the rest of this Essential Guide at any of our Student Counselling Offices.

It’s My Time

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So you survived the first three months of university..yayyyy!!! Started full of energy BUT you are slowly running low on energy, tired and just hope that the first term is done already!!  Here is some information on how to keep yourself going when the going gets tough…..

Some people may think self-care or nurturing is just for the fragile; the “weak willed” or “wimps”. It certainly couldn’t be for strong, ambitious university men and women….

Actually, it is a vital part of maintaining good health and a vibrant life. It’s not just an occasional manicure or partying or “jolling”. Building up a repertoire of reliable self-care habits now can affect your quality of life today, and in the future.

If it’s not a manicure or spending some down time with friends, what is it? Self-care is a way of living that incorporates behaviors that help you to be refreshed, replenish your personal motivation, and grow as a person.

It is the equivalent of keeping your car filled with petrol so that you are ready to “motor” when you want to go somewhere!

Three Main Components of Self -Care

Here are some examples of self-care in action:

Physical

*Moving your body, whether in some structured sport or exercise, or just dancing around, stretching, or walking to the park to feed the ducks.

*Give it something good to eat, that doesn’t come in a bag or box from a drive through. Cook it yourself; take time for yourself, not just whatever is the fastest thing. Get a massage or something ….. Go to the doctor when you are sick.

Mental/Emotional

*Be accepting, kind, easy to forgive yourself. How would you treat a good friend who needed some TLC? Try to take out (where you can) “I should” out of your vocabulary and say “no” at least once a week! Reasonable expectations.

*Get enough people in your life, that you can laugh with, share that pizza with, talk to seriously when an occasion comes up, who respect you and don’t expect you to do all the work of keeping up the friendship or relationship.

*Do a variety of things for fun and stimulation, some that you can do with others, and some to do alone. Having trouble coming up with an idea? Remember things you liked when you were a child, but have long ago given up. Get the creative juices flowing? Paint, draw, get out the hammer and nails and construct something.

 

 Spiritual

Develop a practice that exercises your mind and soul. However you define that.

*Whether it is a routine of prayer, meditation, attending services, that build up your spirit and faith with like minded others, exploration of yourself that helps you to identify your values and priorities, reading wisdom literature and discussions with others that deepen your knowledge of yourself and the universe, finding a way to contribute to the wellbeing of others.

 Dirty Rumors about Self Care

* Isn’t it Selfish to Put Myself First?

Some others may consider Self Care the territory of the self-involved, who have little consideration for others around them.

Wrong again!

In fact, nurturing oneself is a key factor in being able to keep up strength, resolve, motivation and inner resources to continue to give to others, whether that be your immediate partner, family and other important people in your inner circle, or the larger community around you.

You might consider that doing too much for others could deprive them of the opportunity to learn how to provide their own self care.

*I Don’t Have Time to Take Care of Myself!

If you do a “self care audit”, you will likely find that some of the activities you spend your time on now, could be better spent “recharging your own battery” Studies show that mental acuity decreases after a short period of concentrated study.

All the time management/ life goal experts say put your Self Care into your schedule, just like another class or job shift. How many times do we have to hear, “make a commitment to yourself” before we believe it?

*Do I Have to Do It Alone?

No, although the best balance is achieved with a combination of time shared with others, as well as some time alone. Your attitude of looking for opportunities to practice Self Care can go with you into almost anywhere.

Still Skeptical? Experiment! Set up a 30 day trial and see how you feel before and after.

GOOD LUCK AND REMEMBER TO BREAAAATHHHHE

Acknowledgements: Student Counselling Center , UT Dallas

Submitted by Janine van Sitters